Pain Medications...

Let me ask you this... what is your problem with epidurals ladies? I watched the birthing DVD (I am not sitting in a class every weekend when I can be catching up on last season's Dexter) and why would you want to do that to yourself? I guess breastfeeding wouldn't be as painful if I was comparing it to natural childbirth.

Let me ask you something else?... Have you experimented with drugs? Have you smoked a joint or had a glass of wine? Have you ever had a percocet after having your wisdom teeth pulled or a vicodin after having your appendix out?

No? Never?! Wow, you are a saint and I commend you on your natural childbirth choice. My mom had all 9lbs 15oz of me natural, that's why she hates me most.

Yes? Yes you have... ok so how exactly is that different then having an epidural? You think you are going to hurt the baby? My little Lady is just fine, I swear it. If you still think you're going to hurt your child just think well they are going to be smoking pot, drinking natty ice's and smirnoff ice's in a lil over a decade what's a lil juice now?

They are going to cause you A LOT of pain in the next 30 years give or take so why not just give yourself a lil break for their birth?

Breastfeeding? Ouch!

Let me say again OUCH. Now I read Babycenter everyday, What to Expect When You're Expecting, parent mags... you name it I read it. Why the hell didn't la la la leche tell me how PAINFUL breastfeeding would be. I read all about nipple confusion and the sins of the binky but no one told me about the PAIN. I am definitely saying this to scare you, well to prepare you. There is not a single woman I have talked to that has said breastfeeding didn't hurt, like a bitch. So prepare yourself, look up Mastitis... yea bet you didn't read about that either.
Now the good news, I wasn't prepared but now you are. I didn't get into this with the sheer will to breastfeed like some ladies. I was like eh, I'll try it and if it doesn't work or I don't like it I will stop. After bleeding cracked baby foodbags and 2 bouts of Mastitis I am still breastfeeding strong. I took 2 weeks off after the first 2 weeks of feeding her and pumped and bottle fed while allowing my body to heal. Once I was healed up there was no nipple confusion, she just wanted food and didn't care where it came from. My daughter is also a piggy.

So be prepared and to help with breastfeeding have the following at home before you get back from the hospital:

Breastfeeding tanks - order online at Target, you don't need to be stylish. Plus breastfeeding shirts and style are opposites, trust me I looked everywhere.
Breastfeeding Bras - get the soft ones
Breastpump - Get a cheap one, you may not stick with it but have it in case something happens. I was so glad I did
Bottles - same reason as above
Binky - F the hospital for telling me not to give my daughter one. She loves to suck, she would suck boob 24/7 if I let her which killed my foodbags. So make sure you have them on hand.
Breast Pads - you will spill everywhere, the Nuk ones are horrible. Get Lasinoh
Lasinoh HPA Lanolin - God's gift to nipples
last but not least a Breastfriend 

You're going to be hungryyyyyyy and thirsty. I have bottles of water everywhere I may station myself to feed her and baggies of the following mix: dried cranberries, ghiradelli dark chocolate chips and roasted almonds.

Oh and burning 500 calories a day! YES!

I wish someone had told me...

So there I was pregnant, knocked up, with child... what was I to do with this new found money that once went to a bar tab? Who wants to spend money on preggo lady clothes that aren't going to fit you in a week... what was I to do? The only thing I could do, buy and register for baby stuff. Problem solved!
And this is what I wish someone had told me. Yea you can search the internet and there are 5 million lists of what you should have before you come home, what you should bring to the hospital, what you shouldn't bother with... all that crap is mostly crap. When you are a NYC mom things are a lil different, we have different lifestyles then Mom's in the burbs... so here are the 4 things I love most of all the baby things we have.

1 - Stroller: Uppa Baby Vista
You have to have one, F your sister saying you don't need one. She lives in CT, what does she know? She isn't walking walking walking everywhere. You need a stroller, you need one that will last through the rain and muck, one that will carry your groceries underneath and will last you from infancy to toddler years.One that maneuvers one handed in and out of the Starbucks line. Besides the greatness of the stroller itself are the additions you can use to pimp your baby's ride. We added the graco adaptor for the carseat making travel easy. The best addition used daily would be the cupholder, get it.

 2 - Baby Bag: Marc Jacobs Pretty Nylon Eliz-a-baby in BLACK
You live in NYC you are like me and do not want a friggin pink polka dotted baby bag. Or one with winnie the pooh or some sort of fuzzy animal. I searched and searched and read reviews and after my Baby Daddy's harrowing search, I finally got the diaper bag. Now that I have this bag I am in love, pockets... functionality, nylon, top zip, changing pad... this bag has everything and it is black, noooo foofiness, bleh.

3 - My Little Lamb Cradle and Swing (Fisher Price)
My little lady is currently in hers. If you have to get rid of your kitchen table to fit this in your apartment it is worth it.


4 - Baby Bjorn
Yes, I bet you are all thinking you should get one of those wrap things... me too. So I have one, I used it once. Think about it this way... do you want to take a piece of cloth and wrap it around your body and stuff your baby in it? What if you tied it wrong? You spend more time worrying about whether you tied it right and if your baby will fall out than you do getting things done. So register for it, if you get it put it in your closet til the baby's older then strap your baby into a nice secure baby bjorn. Sturdy & safe and funny to look at on dad.

I mean that's really all you need besides nerves of steal for your child's first Taxi ride.